BBC World Report

BBC World Briefing
North Korea's Spontaneous Celebration of "Wonderous Feast of Majestic Jarthen" Raises Many Questions

PYONGYANG -- A massive day of celebration throughout North Korea that included fireworks, military parades, and the launch of the country's first satellite have aroused suspicion in an increasingly restive west. The "Wonderous Feast of Majestic Jarthen" was not announced to North Korea's populace and foreign journalists until the government's daily "Message to the Beloved Comrades of the People's State" on the preceding evening, which is mandatory watching for all citizens, except those engaged in essential services.

The announcement described the celebration as "a spontaneous reflection of the beneficent generosity and eternal importance of the Tale of Jarthen to Korean cultural expression and societal development." A state spokesman elaborated on the celebration's genesis to curious reporters, saying "our Dear Leader, in his infinite wisdom and boundless kindness has magnanimously decided to grant Jarthen, his tale, Rebel Forces, and particularly the great warrior centaur, Glothnafar, their long over due recognition. No nation on earth is more capable of appreciating this epic narrative in its full richness and gravity than the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, not only due to the singular beauty of the text in the original Korean, but also due to their place at the vanguard of world proletarian forces."

Events began early in the day, with intricately choreographed military marches throughout the country's major cities. North Korea's armed services, the fourth largest in the world, paraded in formations designed to resemble characters from the popular story, while members of the country's elite commandos donned paper mache masks modeled on the same.

After the parades ended at noon, citizens were required to attend a communal feast that, in addition to the meager rations normally provided, included "authentic Fethil mush of finest quality." Reporters were not permitted to ask North Korean citizens directly for their reaction to the celebration, but state spokesmen assured the media that "all Koreans love mush. We have been a mush loving people since time immemorial, and will bear this deep love of mush with us as we move gloriously forward into a new age of prosperity and mush."

The day's events culminated in a triumphant fireworks display -- a common feature of the reclusive nation's celebrations. After half an hour of dazzling rockets and thunderous explosions, a moment of silence was called, and the night sky was allowed to return to inky darkness. Then, with a fanfare of trumpets that were blared through speakers on every Pyongyang street corner, the government launched its first satellite.

The satellite represents a major advance for the isolated, technologically backwards nation. Its launch has been viewed negatively by the United States and other western governments, who fear that the nuclear armed rogue state could use the new technology against its neighbors.

The North Korean representative to the United Nations, however, disputes this, claiming that the satellite will be used to transmit Korean-made Jarthen media to the entire world via a forthcoming television network. "Our glorious new satellite is a magnificent leap forward for the Korean people," Jong Paik said. "Koreans and members of the international proletariat can now look forward to a continuous stream of Jarth-formation to inspire them in their daily toil, and in the struggle against the imperialist hegemons that would crush them like so many discarded peanut husks."

The grandeur and extensive planning evident in the day's events have caused some experts to speculate that the Jarthen Foundation's missing president, Sir Jon 'Nigel' Seid, could have been involved. Though North Korea's enigmatic dictator Kim Jong-Il has a history of orchestrating enormous, bombastic holidays, both the subject matter and its presentation differed from past events. For instance, instead of nationalistic ballads performed to the melodies of Swedish super-group Abba, the military band played a collection of original compositions presented as early Jarthen tribute songs written by the nation's deceased former president, Kim Il-Sung. Many observers have pointed to marked similarities between these songs and those that have been have been produced by the Jarthen Foundation, leading some to assert that the foundation's president may have assisted in the financing and logistics of the celebration.

The Jarthen foundation was unwilling to comment on this speculation, but a highly placed official at the Worthis Trust, one of the foundation's partners, was willing to speak anonymously. "Look, your guess is as good as any about where the f*** Seid's gotten to. Everyone knows he's bats*** nuts, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he was in bed with the Koreans, figureatively and literally," remarked the Worthis Trust employee, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "Honestly though, just watching those fireworks and the choreography of some of the mass marches, I couldn't help thinking that it smacked of him."

While it remains uncertain whether Jon 'Nigel' Seid may finally be headed back into the public eye, security analysts and fantasy enthusiasts alike will undoubtedly keep their eyes fixed on the hermit kingdom for further developments.