Leaked Jarthenpedia Memorandum

This document has been getting a lot of news coverage of late: it was apparently leaked to the New York Times and is causing quite a rucus in some circles. It is interesting to at last get a somewhat better insight into the internal considerations of the Jarthen Foundation.
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WARNING: THIS DOCUMENT IS NOT TO BE DISTRIBUTED TO INDIVIDUALS WITHOUT JARTHEN FOUNDATION STAFF CLEARANCE LEVEL A14


Greetings Jarthen Foundation staff,

This document, a product of the Jarthen Foundation's interdepartmental steering committee for the development of foundation resources, is intended to briefly outline our organization's goals for the coming period.


Providing for our Future: Fund Raising
Though we as an organization are largely able to rely on our generous endowment for our day-to-day operations, we do need to develop alternative sources of income to expand our work into new venues. Of course, there are our historic ties to the 'publishing' industry, and we do have access to some late-nineteenth century woodcut prints that are probably sufficiently titillating to generate moderate sales. Some members of the foundation's board have expressed concern that reentering this market would tarnish the favorable reputation of our organization, but, to this objection, we counter that it would be utterly reprehensible of us not to use any means necessary to achieve our laudable aims: after all, is it so wrong to go to great lengths improve the lives of kittens through the edifying influences of the Tale of Jarthen? We believe that the answer is an emphatic 'no,' and that we must move forward boldly into this historic realm of activity, so that we might ultimately achieve our main goals.


One Day at a Time: Improving the Lives of Kittens
We have received a great deal of publicity -- both positive and negative -- regarding our work with kittens. Some have referred to our ideas and methods as 'lunacy'¹ and 'an exercise in madness being carried out by a shadow organization run for the sole interest of its dangerously-deluded chairman,'² but we know that these are nothing more than the gross distortions and purposefully-vicious misinterpretations of a hostile media. However, the results of our work speak for themselves. It is well-known within the organization the amount that we have achieved in the case of Fatty-17: in order to maintain our legitimacy in the public eye, we must insure that news of our good work reaches the masses of American people on whom we rely for our support. If we wish to extend the strides we have made with this particular case to other kittens-in-need, it can only be done with the complicity of the public and their vast kitten resources.

Expanding a World's Horizons: The Tale of Jarthen
The Tale of Jarthen is perhaps the work that we are currently best-known for. This edifying narrative of a young lad's homo-erotic exploits through a strange world full of mystical beasts and intoxication has been clinically proven,³ and we owe it to humans and kittens the world over to spread its message. Of course, the current format of a weekly 'blog' is an excellent starting point, but, if possible, we should seek to extend our reach into other media. The Foundation is currently in discussions with Ted Turner over the matter of acquiring time on one of his many networks, possibly TNN, which would appear to be an excellent fit in terms of existing programming and viewer support. There has been some suggestion that we should make use of public television networks, but this would seem to be an untenable proposition given the long-standing antipathy of such prominent figures as Bill Moyers and Red Green towards our organization. If it were possible to guarantee the liquidation of such discontent, it would make this a much more palatable option.

Conclusion
In closing, I strongly encourage all Jarthen Foundation members to continue their excellent work as we move forward into what will undoubtedly be a period of increased prosperity and influence for our benevolent organization.

generated by NQ, HK, GoRMN, et. al.

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¹ Dwight Patterson, "Al-Quaeda, The Trilateral Commission, and The Jarthen Foundation: The Dangerous New Trend of the Super Organization," The New York Times, 1/24/2008.

² Top Secret Assessment of Domestic Corporate Abuse of Power, U.S. Department of Justice, 12/2/2007.

³ "A clinical study of the outcomes of Jarthen-based therapy," conducted by The Worthis Trust, pub. 11/5/2007.