Many, many moons ago, in Ch. 5 pt. 1, Jarthen revealed himself to be a whiny little prat who is especially sensitive about his birthday. Meanwhile, Bertronius (along with Nel and Lem) began their spy training under the watchful and slightly sadistic eyes of Clemhand.
Note: The Worthis Trust wants the reader to know that a 'literary montage' has been attempted here. An mp3 of "Eye of the Tiger" is embedded in each of Bertronius' s sections - play it while you read it and then pause it before going on to Jarthen's section. Try it...you'll like it!
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“Well, unlike yeh, Lemmy, we like to get to breakfast afore the mush is all gone!”
“Ha….ha…wheeze…I may be slow…wheeze…but at least I wear a shirt!” retorted Lem.
Bertronius, feeling bad for Lem, slowed to a jog and watched Nelhoepher’s athletic back as he effortlessly sailed past. “Lem, we’ve been at this training of Clemhand’s now for two weeks, and you’re still having trouble with morning laps?” he asked, jumping from foot to foot in place to keep his pace up.
Between panting breaths, Lem responded “Aye, still…havin’ trouble, but…I am gettin’…used ta missin’…breakfast…”
*****
Rethnaki was determined to not disappoint Jarthen with regard to the lad's birthday party. Jellihondor had asked him to keep an especial watch on their young comrade, as the elf feared that Jarthen might lose his resolve in the face of the manifold anxieties and emotional turbulence inherent to the adolescence of all species. Though Rethnaki had not been fully briefed on the nature and object of the small party’s mission, he knew that a perilous journey lay ahead, and if Jellihondor was so intent on Jarthen’s well-being then the lad most certainly had an important role to play – “an' o' course,” the young elf thought to himself, “I ha’e grown rather fond o’ ta lad meself.”
The elf, knowing that he needed some help to fulfill Jarthen's dream of a traditional Elothninian birthday, decided to talk to Elcrona, who he knew to have grown up in a more populated area of the Fethil than he had. It also helped that Elcrona was a quite attractive young red elf, to whom Rethnaki felt not a little attracted. Rethnaki bided his time until the day after he had extracted the information about Jarthen’s birthday-doldrums; when the lad was commandeered by Glothnafar to wash cookware after the evening meal. Elcrona, meanwhile, was busy chatting with another female elf about the difficulties of being a woman in the Rebel Army and the need for more leadership positions being made available to them. Rethnaki approached them casually, and gave them both a winning smile, as he waited for them to notice his presence. When they did so, he spoke directly to Elcrona in a friendly manner, “Hullo Elcrona, I was wonderin’ if I might trouble ye fer a moment of yer time?”
Elcrona and the other female elf exchanged a knowing look – Rethnaki had a reputation as something of a flirt among the female members of the Rebel Army, which ensured that anytime he approached an attractive young woman, tongues would wag about his intentions. This was compounded by Elcrona's conflicted feelings of attraction to Rethnaki – he was quite charming, even for a red elf, and had been blessed with a truly delightful visage. In addition, during her relatively brief time with the Rebel Army she had been careful to not to enter into any romantic entanglements1 that might reflect negatively on her reputation as a partisan and warrior. Against her better judgment, she agreed and allowed Rethnaki to lead her into the woods away from the rest of the party.
“The thing you lot dunna unnerstand ‘bout torture is, it’s an art! Yeh’ve got to play the human body like an instrument…pluck jes’ the right strings ta make a bugger talk.” Craggle continued on in this manner for a few minutes longer, while Nelhoepher repeated the throat-jabbing move behind him. Bertronius, who was never comfortable with this more brutal side of spying, felt queasy.
“Alrigh’ boy, yeh can stop,” Craggle said to Nelhoepher. “Seein’ as how we’ve been at this fer awhile now, I s’pose it’s time fer ye to learn ‘bout explosives - ”
Craggle was interrupted here by Lem, who jumped up and exclaimed, “Really? We get to blow shite up?! That’s amazing!” It was the first time Lem had spoken in their practical applications sessions, since spy training had begun almost a full month before.
“Thanks fer comin’ out…” Rethnaki began, but he was cut off by Elcrona’s chiding voice. Her arms were crossed and she was giving him something of a suspicious look, “Now see here, Naki, I hope ye’vn't brought me out here lookin’ fer a quick snog, as I ain’ tha’ kind o’ gal. I jus’ want ta say tha’ righ’ now so when I punch ye up side yer head when ye try ta get fresh, it won’t come as no surprise.” All the same, part of her hoped that he would try to kiss her anyway – she would still slap him, but it would be very satisfying.
Rethnaki, who had in point of fact just been noticing how attractive Elcrona looked in the gentle twilight of the forest, feigned surprise at her accusation. “Perish the thought,” he replied in a theatrically astounded voice, “I asked ye out here fer purely selfless, honest reasons, ye see.”
“Oh, and what might tha’ be?” Elcrona asked skeptically.
Elcrona is not fooled by Rethnaki's rakish ways!
“Well, I jus’ happened ta find out tha' 'twas young Jarthen’s thirteenth…birthday? Aye, that’s it, 'twas Jarthen’s thirteenth birthday not but four days ago, and he’s been feelin’ migh'y homesick as a result o’ no one takin’ any notice o' ‘tit.” Rethnaki emphasized his sympathy for the young lad's loneliness by casting his eyes around in a concerned manner, in the hopes of winning Elcrona's assistance.
Elcrona’s cynical expression softened slightly at Rethnaki’s obvious sympathy for the young human, and she found that she felt slightly embarrassed for having jumped so quickly to the conclusion that he had only brought her into the forest for some rascally doings.
Bertronius took one more breath and took a couple of steps forward. Then, he stopped himself, suddenly realizing that McNab was expecting him to come from that direction. Gingerly, he walked over a few feet and approached the spy master again. He felt the blood pounding in his ears as he lifted the knife to the purse string to cut, and – then felt McNab’s hand close over his wrist. He’d failed, just like his friends.
As he was pulling off the blindfold, McNab said, “You came from the side, didn’t you? Clever boy. Next time, stay calm when you get near the quarry – you gave yourself away when you started hyperventilatin',’” before parting, he paused and gave Bertronius a knowing wink.
Noticing the change in her expression, Rethnaki decided to play up how abashed he was at her assumptions about his character, despite their accuracy. “So…anyway,” he said in mock sadness, “I was jus’ wonderin’ if ye could help me figure out somethin’ ta do ta make the lad feel special, ye know?”
After a pause in which Elcrona valiantly sought to maintain her defiant facade, she felt herself succumbing to the earnestness of Rethnaki's proposal, she agreed to help him. “Alright,” she replied, “what were ye thinkin’ of?”
“Well, the lad mentioned somethin’ about a mush cake and a numerical candle? I was wonderin’ if ye could help me rustle up somet'in' like tha'?” Rethnaki replied in a slightly more cheerful manner.
“Hold on a second there, Naki,” Elcrona replied in some surprise, “I thought ye come from ta Fethil yerself? How is it tha' any one livin' in tha' land can get away withou' knowin' how ta make mush cake and numerical candle?”
“Well, lass, I'll have ye know tha' there are parts o' ta Fethil where we don' have birthdays an' mush cakes,” Rethnaki replied with a wink of his eye. “Me village was up near the mountains, an' we hardly e'er had much contact with humanfolk beyond tradin' an' ta odd drum circle: we only e'er celebrated born-on days,” he explained. “So,” he asked again with his most earnest expression, “will ye help me Elcrona?”
Elcrona - rememberer of mushcakes and savior of born-on days!
Elcrona thought for a moment – having grown up in a well-populated area of the Fethil, she was exposed to most traditional mush-based dishes served in the province – and quickly remembered the necessary components for a mush cake. “I’m sure we could rustle up wha' we need fer ta cake, tho' 'twill be a challenge no doubt,” she said. “We’ll need sugar, crushed wheat, milk, and whey for the icing,” she listed off absentmindedly, “I’m sure ye’ll be able to carve up one o’ ta tallow candles ta put on top.”
“They put ta candle on top o’ ta cake?!” Rethnaki asked in genuine surprise, “well, I suppose tha’s humans fer ye….Elcrona,” he paused, giving her what he hoped was a very earnest expression, “yer a fine lass fer helpin’ me put this together fer the lad, I know tha' he’ll appreciate 'tit.”
“I feel fer ta lad...havin’ ta be away from his family an’ friends an' all. He’s a good’un, he is.” She was glad that she would be able to help Jarthen, as she genuinely cared for the young boy.
“Aye tha’s true,” Rethnaki replied, and, with his usual mischievous glint in his eye, he asked, “now before we go get this party started, there’s one more thing…can I ha’e jus’ one wee kiss?”
To this she responded with a prompt slap across his face, before turning and marching back to the camp. As she sauntered haughtily away, she called over her shoulder, “You ha’e best be workin’ on tha’ candle ye sodder – ta cake’ll be ready in a few weeks.” When she turned away from him again, there was a smile on her face.
“Ah, young Master Worthis…I see yeh’ve finally awakened and joined us here. That twit Iloskin says yeh’ve been doin’ excellent in yer charm lessons – has he been recommendin’ beauty sleep for ye?” said Clemhand, having already noticed that Bertronius had been dozing off in yet another painfully boring lesson on the history of spying.
“Wha? I..uh..” Bertronius started.
“Boy, dounna even bother with an explanation. If yeh’ve got the time to be a-sleepin,’ then I’m certainly not givin’ yeh enough ta do. Give me a five page report on the importance of Bellisander’s use of magick plants by breakfast tomorrow,” the ponderous spy ordered before resuming his turgid lecture. Bertronius let his head slump into his hand again – he wouldn’t be able to sleep with the prospect of such a long, tedious assignment ahead of him.
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1Readers may not know what a remarkable feat this is for a red elf such as Elcrona. Those interested in how the romantic entaglements of red elves during the Second Displacement Period differ from our own should peruse this post in the Jarthenpedia.
The elf, knowing that he needed some help to fulfill Jarthen's dream of a traditional Elothninian birthday, decided to talk to Elcrona, who he knew to have grown up in a more populated area of the Fethil than he had. It also helped that Elcrona was a quite attractive young red elf, to whom Rethnaki felt not a little attracted. Rethnaki bided his time until the day after he had extracted the information about Jarthen’s birthday-doldrums; when the lad was commandeered by Glothnafar to wash cookware after the evening meal. Elcrona, meanwhile, was busy chatting with another female elf about the difficulties of being a woman in the Rebel Army and the need for more leadership positions being made available to them. Rethnaki approached them casually, and gave them both a winning smile, as he waited for them to notice his presence. When they did so, he spoke directly to Elcrona in a friendly manner, “Hullo Elcrona, I was wonderin’ if I might trouble ye fer a moment of yer time?”
Elcrona and the other female elf exchanged a knowing look – Rethnaki had a reputation as something of a flirt among the female members of the Rebel Army, which ensured that anytime he approached an attractive young woman, tongues would wag about his intentions. This was compounded by Elcrona's conflicted feelings of attraction to Rethnaki – he was quite charming, even for a red elf, and had been blessed with a truly delightful visage. In addition, during her relatively brief time with the Rebel Army she had been careful to not to enter into any romantic entanglements1 that might reflect negatively on her reputation as a partisan and warrior. Against her better judgment, she agreed and allowed Rethnaki to lead her into the woods away from the rest of the party.
*****
“The thing you lot dunna unnerstand ‘bout torture is, it’s an art! Yeh’ve got to play the human body like an instrument…pluck jes’ the right strings ta make a bugger talk.” Craggle continued on in this manner for a few minutes longer, while Nelhoepher repeated the throat-jabbing move behind him. Bertronius, who was never comfortable with this more brutal side of spying, felt queasy.
“Alrigh’ boy, yeh can stop,” Craggle said to Nelhoepher. “Seein’ as how we’ve been at this fer awhile now, I s’pose it’s time fer ye to learn ‘bout explosives - ”
Craggle was interrupted here by Lem, who jumped up and exclaimed, “Really? We get to blow shite up?! That’s amazing!” It was the first time Lem had spoken in their practical applications sessions, since spy training had begun almost a full month before.
*****
“Thanks fer comin’ out…” Rethnaki began, but he was cut off by Elcrona’s chiding voice. Her arms were crossed and she was giving him something of a suspicious look, “Now see here, Naki, I hope ye’vn't brought me out here lookin’ fer a quick snog, as I ain’ tha’ kind o’ gal. I jus’ want ta say tha’ righ’ now so when I punch ye up side yer head when ye try ta get fresh, it won’t come as no surprise.” All the same, part of her hoped that he would try to kiss her anyway – she would still slap him, but it would be very satisfying.
Rethnaki, who had in point of fact just been noticing how attractive Elcrona looked in the gentle twilight of the forest, feigned surprise at her accusation. “Perish the thought,” he replied in a theatrically astounded voice, “I asked ye out here fer purely selfless, honest reasons, ye see.”
“Oh, and what might tha’ be?” Elcrona asked skeptically.
Elcrona is not fooled by Rethnaki's rakish ways!“Well, I jus’ happened ta find out tha' 'twas young Jarthen’s thirteenth…birthday? Aye, that’s it, 'twas Jarthen’s thirteenth birthday not but four days ago, and he’s been feelin’ migh'y homesick as a result o’ no one takin’ any notice o' ‘tit.” Rethnaki emphasized his sympathy for the young lad's loneliness by casting his eyes around in a concerned manner, in the hopes of winning Elcrona's assistance.
Elcrona’s cynical expression softened slightly at Rethnaki’s obvious sympathy for the young human, and she found that she felt slightly embarrassed for having jumped so quickly to the conclusion that he had only brought her into the forest for some rascally doings.
*****
Bertronius took one more breath and took a couple of steps forward. Then, he stopped himself, suddenly realizing that McNab was expecting him to come from that direction. Gingerly, he walked over a few feet and approached the spy master again. He felt the blood pounding in his ears as he lifted the knife to the purse string to cut, and – then felt McNab’s hand close over his wrist. He’d failed, just like his friends.
As he was pulling off the blindfold, McNab said, “You came from the side, didn’t you? Clever boy. Next time, stay calm when you get near the quarry – you gave yourself away when you started hyperventilatin',’” before parting, he paused and gave Bertronius a knowing wink.
*****
Noticing the change in her expression, Rethnaki decided to play up how abashed he was at her assumptions about his character, despite their accuracy. “So…anyway,” he said in mock sadness, “I was jus’ wonderin’ if ye could help me figure out somethin’ ta do ta make the lad feel special, ye know?”
After a pause in which Elcrona valiantly sought to maintain her defiant facade, she felt herself succumbing to the earnestness of Rethnaki's proposal, she agreed to help him. “Alright,” she replied, “what were ye thinkin’ of?”
“Well, the lad mentioned somethin’ about a mush cake and a numerical candle? I was wonderin’ if ye could help me rustle up somet'in' like tha'?” Rethnaki replied in a slightly more cheerful manner.
“Hold on a second there, Naki,” Elcrona replied in some surprise, “I thought ye come from ta Fethil yerself? How is it tha' any one livin' in tha' land can get away withou' knowin' how ta make mush cake and numerical candle?”
“Well, lass, I'll have ye know tha' there are parts o' ta Fethil where we don' have birthdays an' mush cakes,” Rethnaki replied with a wink of his eye. “Me village was up near the mountains, an' we hardly e'er had much contact with humanfolk beyond tradin' an' ta odd drum circle: we only e'er celebrated born-on days,” he explained. “So,” he asked again with his most earnest expression, “will ye help me Elcrona?”
Elcrona - rememberer of mushcakes and savior of born-on days!Elcrona thought for a moment – having grown up in a well-populated area of the Fethil, she was exposed to most traditional mush-based dishes served in the province – and quickly remembered the necessary components for a mush cake. “I’m sure we could rustle up wha' we need fer ta cake, tho' 'twill be a challenge no doubt,” she said. “We’ll need sugar, crushed wheat, milk, and whey for the icing,” she listed off absentmindedly, “I’m sure ye’ll be able to carve up one o’ ta tallow candles ta put on top.”
“They put ta candle on top o’ ta cake?!” Rethnaki asked in genuine surprise, “well, I suppose tha’s humans fer ye….Elcrona,” he paused, giving her what he hoped was a very earnest expression, “yer a fine lass fer helpin’ me put this together fer the lad, I know tha' he’ll appreciate 'tit.”
“I feel fer ta lad...havin’ ta be away from his family an’ friends an' all. He’s a good’un, he is.” She was glad that she would be able to help Jarthen, as she genuinely cared for the young boy.
“Aye tha’s true,” Rethnaki replied, and, with his usual mischievous glint in his eye, he asked, “now before we go get this party started, there’s one more thing…can I ha’e jus’ one wee kiss?”
To this she responded with a prompt slap across his face, before turning and marching back to the camp. As she sauntered haughtily away, she called over her shoulder, “You ha’e best be workin’ on tha’ candle ye sodder – ta cake’ll be ready in a few weeks.” When she turned away from him again, there was a smile on her face.
*******
“Ah, young Master Worthis…I see yeh’ve finally awakened and joined us here. That twit Iloskin says yeh’ve been doin’ excellent in yer charm lessons – has he been recommendin’ beauty sleep for ye?” said Clemhand, having already noticed that Bertronius had been dozing off in yet another painfully boring lesson on the history of spying.
“Wha? I..uh..” Bertronius started.
“Boy, dounna even bother with an explanation. If yeh’ve got the time to be a-sleepin,’ then I’m certainly not givin’ yeh enough ta do. Give me a five page report on the importance of Bellisander’s use of magick plants by breakfast tomorrow,” the ponderous spy ordered before resuming his turgid lecture. Bertronius let his head slump into his hand again – he wouldn’t be able to sleep with the prospect of such a long, tedious assignment ahead of him.
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1Readers may not know what a remarkable feat this is for a red elf such as Elcrona. Those interested in how the romantic entaglements of red elves during the Second Displacement Period differ from our own should peruse this post in the Jarthenpedia.
1 comment:
Do you know, Crabby McGrumpypants here didn't let me listen to "Eye of the Tiger" for any of the Bertronius sections? Not even one? And he's going to be using my computer today, so I can't even run off with it to my room and listen to it on my own. He's just crushing the joy out of my life, whenever he gets the chance.
In spite of all the joy-crushing, it's great to have Jarthen back! We missed him! Well, not so much Jarthen himself as Bertronius and Jellihondor, but you get the point.
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