Jon Nigel Seid, Fatty Discuss with Clinton

BBC World Briefing
"Jarthen Foundation Leadership Offers Assistance on Middle East"

VIENNA -- The President of the Jarthen Foundation, Jon Nigel Seid, and his companion, Fatty, met with U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to discuss the current impasse between Israel's newly elected conservative government and an impotent Fatah. The summit was held at an undisclosed spa, somewhere in the Alps, where Mr. Seid and Fatty have been recovering from their recent, widely publicized captivity in North Korea. Secretary Clinton was in the region discussing trade barriers with the European Union, and purposefully scheduled an extra day to meet with the influential entrepeneuer and cat.

Since escaping from a failed rocket launched by North Korea, the Jarthen Foundation leader has largely remained out of the public eye. After providing reports of their experience to the U.S. government, Mr. Seid and Fatty have sought to recuperate from their ordeal at a series of sanatoriums on the continent.

Washington insiders have reported that President Obama himself requested the meeting, offering to meet with Mr. Seid anywhere he saw fit. The Jarthen Foundation President reportedly demurred, not wanting to take any of Mr. Obama's time during the current period of crisis, but agreed to meet with Mrs. Clinton as a compromise.

The roots of the meeting can be traced to the earliest days of the Obama Presidency, when Mr. Obama asked Mr. Seid to act as a special envoy to the Middle East, a post he politely declined. According to sources in the administration, President Obama has actively courted Mr. Seid's assistance in reaching a final settlement between Israelis and Palestinians nevertheless. Mr. Seid's widespread popularity with both sides, along with the Jarthen Foundation's enormous financial and military resources in the region have been cited as reasons for the president's request.

Although the discussions were held behind closed doors, some details have begun to emerge about the proposal under consideration. It has been speculated that, with an uncooperative Bush Administration out of office, Mr. Seid has resurrected plans for an enormous Jarthen theme park in the heart of disputed Jerusalem. The proposed complex would be the largest of its kind, dwarfing the likes of Disney Land and Dollywood Abudabi. Under the joint Clinton-Seid roadmap, the Jarthen Foundation would exert full control not just over the theme park, but the entire city as well, assuming security and other governance duties from the insolvent local government. The major hurdle to a comprehensive peace agreement thus removed, the Israeli and Palestinian governments would then be able to finally achieve the goal of a viable two state solution, with a mutual capital and amusement park in the holy city.

Initial reactions from the Netanyahu and Abbas governments have been cautiously optimistic so far, with some observers claiming that this proposal represents the last, best hope for an enduring peace in the region. Although the plan is still in its early stages, leaders around the world have lauded the idea, and called for its immediate implementation.